Below are Frequently Asked Questions

How can I relax before sex?

1.Take a time out

(forget all the shoulds)

2. Live in the moment

3. Lose yourself, Say no to pressure:

It is not about performance  nor is this work. This is adult play. Explore ways to give and recieve pleasure

4.Get or give each other a full body massage

Are there sexual benefits in having sex?

Short answer is many. Including improves blood flow, controls cholesterol, benefits weight control, boosts hormones like testosterone, reduces stress, makes you feel sexy and happy, helps you sleep, …

For men, does size of penis matter and how to give your spouse most satisfaction?

Short answer is no size doesn’t matter. If you are seeing ads for this they just build anxiety. The secret to good sex isn’t size. Go slowly, don’t plunge into vagina. use lubricant, try different positions, develop a rhythm (move with her body), don’t just try to pump in and out, pleasure her by stroking her clitoris, stay shallow, the most sensitive part of the vagina is the lip (see size doesn’t count), go deep when you can or alternate between shallow and deep.

How often is enough?

There is no one number. This is something each couple has to figure out, and this will also change over time. Too frequent, like everyday and/or multiple times in day or night is not healthy. Neither is it healthy for relationship to do infrequently like once a month. In these days when both couples are working, it takes time and effort to make yourself available for the other. Got kids?, have a date night. Reserve time for yourselves.

Can I improve my sexual performance?

The site covers aspects of foreplay and position. Besides that if you are overweight, it helps to lose the tummy. Both men and women can do Kegel exercises, which help the pubococ-cygeus (PC) muscle. Daily repetitions help it become strong. Also coming near to climax but witholding ejaculation is another way to build stamina.

How should be conduct ourselves on wedding night.

It is highly recommended that the wedding should take place at night. The hadith says, “Take the bride to her new home during the night.” When the bride enters the room, the groom is recommended  should perform wuzu and pray two-rak’at sunnat prayer and then recite the following du’a:

Allahummar zuqni ilfahaa wa wuddaha wa riz”aaha bi; warz”ini biha, wa-ajma’ baynana bi ah’sane ijtimaa’in wa anasi i-tilafin; fa innaka tuh’ibbul h’alaala wa tukrihul h’araam.

O Allah! Bless me with her affection, love and her acceptance of me; and make me pleased with her, and bring us together in the best form of a union and in absolute harmony; surely You like lawful things and dislike unlawful things.

Then he should ask the bride to do wuzu and pray two-rak’at sunnat prayer.

When they are ready to go to bed, the groom should put his hand on the bride’s forehead and pray the following du’a while facing the Qiblah.

Allahumma bi amaanatika akhadhtuha wa bi kalimaatika is-tah’laltuha. Fa in qaz”ayta li minha waladan, faj-‘alhu mubaarakan taqiyyan min Shi’ati Aal-i Muh’ammad (s’al-lal-laahu a’layhi wa aalihi wa sallam) wa laa taj-‘al lish Shayt’aani fihi shirkan wa laa naseeba.

O Allah! I have taken her as Your trust and have made her lawful for myself by Your words. Therefore, if You have decreed for me a child from her, then make him/her blessed and pious from among the followers of the Family of Muhammad [peace be upon him and them]; and do not let Satan have any part in him/her.

Is it necessary to have sexual intercourse on the very first night after the wedding or can it be delayed? As far as the Shariah is concerned, it is neither obligatory nor forbidden to have sex on the first night. It is a private decision between the newly wed couple; it has nothing to do with others.

More details on the First Time (from Zawaj.com)

The first time is very special and a man should take extra care with his wife. Most likely his wife has been very modest all her life and will be very shy. She will feel very uncomfortable, at first, about undressing herself in front of a man (that is you) right away.

A wise man said “Women are like beautiful flowers. Their petals are very soft and sensitive so be careful when handling them.”

I have no advice for women about how to treat men because, well simply men are easily satisfied (trust me on this one).

The Prophet (s.a.w.) recommended that on the wedding night the husband should be kind to his bride, and comfort her by offering her something to drink when they meet the first time after the official marriage ceremony (Zawaj.com Editor’s Note: this does not refer to alcoholic drinks, but rather milk, water, juice, etc).

The man should put his hand on her forehead, say the name of Allah (Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim), and pray to Allah (make a Du’a) to bless their marriage.

The groom and the bride are also recommended to pray two Rak`ahs together when they meet on the first day of marriage.

The Prophet (s.a.w.) recommended that the couple should start every intercourse by saying: Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim (in the name of Allah ), and by praying to Allah (making a Du’a) to protect them from Satan, and to protect the child from Satan if a child comes from that intercourse. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said: “If one of you when going to his wife said: Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim (In the name of Allah ), O Allah! Protect us from Shaitan and protect the sustenance (child) you give us from Shaitan, and if Allah then gave them a child, Shaitan would not affect it at all.” (Al-Bukhari).

The Prophet (s.a.w.) also told the men not to leave their wives before they too had been satisfied, as is their right. The man should not surprise his wife by starting the intercourse suddenly, since that is harmful to her, and the consequences could be harmful to her faith. He should get acquainted with her and should make her feel comfortable instead. “Not one of you should fall upon his wife like an animal; but let there first be a messenger between you.” (Zawaj.com Editor’s Note: this “messenger” consists of sweet words and caresses).

And Imam al-Ghazali says: “Sex should begin with gentle words and kissing.”

The Prophet (saw) said: “The best of you, is the one who is best to his wives, and I am the best of you toward my wives.” (At-Tahaawi: Saheeh )

Scholars Stance on Oral Sex

Q. Respected scholars of Islam.  What is the Islamic stance on oral sex between the husband and his wife? Jazakum Allah khayran.

A. Dear questioner, thank you so much for your concerns about your religion and Allah’s teachings even in what concerns your sexual life with your wife.

As regards your question, it is to be noted, first of all, that all acts that aim at satisfying and pleasing the spouses are allowable so long as two things are avoided, that is anal sex and having sex with a wife while she is still in her menstruation. Thus, it is permissible for a husband and a wife to practice cunnilingus and fellatio. Following we’d cite the opinions of some well-known Muslim scholars in this regard:

The eminent Muslim scholar, Sheikh Yusuf Al-Qaradawi states:

“I was asked about oral sex in America and Europe when I began to travel to these countries in the early 70s. We are not used to be asked these questions in our Muslim countries. Those Western people are accustomed to stripping naked during sexual intercourse. These are communities of nakedness, and from the licentiousness of the woman that she wears nothing to screen her body in her daily life.

So, they are in need of more excitements during copulation. However, men in our Muslim societies see nothing in the Muslim woman that can excite them on the basis of her wearing either Hijab (veil) or Niqab (face cover). But concerning whether being in complete nakedness during practicing copulation is lawful or not, the Prophet of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, is reported to have said, “Guard your private parts except from your wife or your slaves.”

Muslim jurists are of the opinion that it is lawful for the husband to perform cunnilingus on his wife, or a wife to perform the similar act for her husband (fellatio) and there is no wrong in doing so. But if sucking leads to releasing semen, then it is Makruh (blameworthy), but there is no decisive evidence (to forbid it).

These parts are not dirty like anus, but it is ordinarily disgusting to man. But there is no decisive evidence to make it unlawful, especially if the wife agrees with it or achieves orgasm by practicing it. Allah, Exalted and Glorified be He, says: “And who guard their modesty, save from their wives or the slaves, that I heir right hands possess, for then they are not blameworthy, but Who so craveth beyond that, such are transgressors.” (Al-Mu’minun: 5-7)”

In the light of this, scholars maintain that the husband is allowed to enjoy his wife through any means of enjoyment except anal sex, for that is strictly forbidden.

Dr. Ali Jum`ah, professor of the Principles of Islamic Jurisprudence at Al-Azhar Univ., says further that licking, sucking and kissing spouse’s sexual organs are all allowed, as long as it gives a person sexual gratification that will keep him away from Haram (unlawful) or starring at opposite sex (marriageable). But every Muslim must keep in mind that sexual intercourse is just a lust and passion that must be satisfied in a lawful way; it’s not to be perceived as necessary as foods and drinks, as it’s the case in the Western perverted ideology.

Shedding more light on this, Dr. Sabri `Abdul Ra’ouf, professor of Islamic Comparative Jurisprudence, at Al-Azhar Univ, says that it’s allowed for the married couple to enjoy each other as long as what they do does not run counter to the teachings of Islam or violate the public norms. He also gives support to the view of Sheikh Al-Qaradawi that oral sex or kissing private parts of the spouse is something viewed disgusting to Muslims, but if the aim is just kissing (without having constant indulgence in it) it’s not sinful to do that, but people of high morality normally keep away from that, as not to give in to imitating non-Muslims.”

In conclusion, it has become clear now that oral sex is not prohibited, but it is not the normal choice for committed Muslims and Muslimahs. That’s, despite that oral sex is not Haram, it is completely disgusting and does not conform to the pure taste and decency of a Muslim personality.

Here, it should be noted that one of the main objectives of Shari`ah is to safeguard the life of people and keep them healthy. Based on this, if it is scientifically proven that oral sex or such practices cause mouth cancer or form a danger on the health of a person who practices it, then it becomes totally prohibited.

You can also read:

Oral Sex with One’s Wife: Is Ghusl Obligatory?


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